


We Have Your Book

by Therashae



Series: Rewritten [2]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Books of Zeref resurrected, Post-Tartaros Arc (Fairy Tail)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-08-23 14:32:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16620824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Therashae/pseuds/Therashae
Summary: When Lucy and Jackal showed up back at Fairy Tail mated for life it caused quite a stir in the guild. So did the six rewritten Books of Zeref that showed up that same day. Now the Fairies just have to decide what on Earthland to do about the five demons who have yet to be seen.





	1. The Message

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Books of Zeref are discussed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the continuation of my Unholy Trinity JackaLu work. There was just to much possibility to leave it alone.

Mard Geer Tartaros Underworld King, the most powerful of Zeref's demons. Jackie said he had never seen a single word of his book Before so the guild was left to guess at how it had changed. There were references to loyalty and the value of life, which they all found unusual and believed to be new. The all consuming drive to find and kill Zeref was gone as well. The whole book was written in an extremely vague way. Jackie said Mard Geer had been Zeref's favorite and he likely wrote it that way to give the demon more freedom.

Tempester the Immortal. He was not called Calamity for no reason. The demon was powerful. Putting him down had nearly killed Laxus twice over, and though their current guildmaster tried to hide it Lucy wasn't the only one who had noticed the attacks he still suffered from. By all accounts from Before Tempester was an intellectual, though he lacked the passion that both Levy and Freed displayed on a daily basis, all brain and no heart.

Lucy was furious when she read the same phrases in Tempester's book as she had in Jackal's and Mard Geer's. Value of human life and the ability to feel guild. They found the same thing in the other three books. In Lucy's opinion Zeref had torn out the heart and backbone of who the demons were when he removed their drive to find and kill him, only to replace it with the overwhelming and crippling knowledge that everything they had done was wrong.

She had been all set to find The Dark Wizard, break his self righteous jaw, and cram his psychosis inducing books down his throat with Erza's Holy Hammer. The entire guild cowered behind tables and watched in awe as Jackie diffused Scary Lucy. He hadn't said a word, just bent down to rub his head under her chin once and then played with the little braids she now wore in her hair until she melted into him. That display had been all Laxus needed for the couple to be accepted by him. Anyone with the balls to approach Scary Lucy and the ability to chill her the fuck out was okay in his book.

Seilah Goddess of the Chilled Moon. Chill seemed a pretty good way to describe her based on interactions the guild had with her Before. She was calm, collected, and cold, though the Straus siblings had seen her angry and it was not a pretty picture. Jackie said she had an obsession with books, mainly of the fictional and romance variety. He also said she had an unwritten, but very clear, loyalty to the only other female Gate.

Kyoka Goddess of the Slave Planet. Jackie was almost certain her title was self created since no such place existed as far as he or anyone else knew. She was the one Lucy feared interacting with the most at this point simply because her determination and tenacity matched Erza's. She would fight and die for what she believed in, and since killing Zeref was no longer in her book who knew what she wanted now. They all hoped for the best, though all of them, especially Erza, expected the worst.

Silver Fullbuster. They all knew the man was dead in more ways than one. They also knew that Before he hadn't been a demon. He was a man. The book with his name on the front made it very clear that he was a demon now however, and very much alive. Why Zeref had written him back to life no one could guess. 

Gray and Juvia were a complete mess over this particular book. It had torn their hearts apart when he had died. They both claimed that death was what he had wanted, having been forced to exist the way he had for so long. The guild would have simply locked his book away or destroyed it completely to allow him to rest in peace had they not found what was basically a postscript in his book. He was already awake, summoned into flesh by Zeref before he had sent the book to Fairy Tail.

Natsu, of course, got himself "all fired up" and took off to "hunt 'em down" leaving the rest of the guild to wave his smoke away from their faces and shake their heads. They were all very happy he was gone when they got a call on the lacrima from Sabertooth a few minutes later. Sting looked pissed and Minerva looked all but hysterical. The high-pitched hyperventilating laugh that could be heard in the background made Lucy, Jackie, and the Straus sisters cringe. Jackie was almost instantly huddled as far into his cloak as possible, hiding behind Lucy, under the table.

"Master Sting, what a pleasant surprise."

"There is nothing pleasant about today, Mira! I've got this- this Thing in my guild and it won't leave! Please tell me someone over there can identify it on sight so we can have it locked up! The council has issues talking to M' Lady."

"She's female, Sting! Not a thing! And there is still the chance Lamy could be... Rehabilitated."

"M' Lady, it's- She is... Why?!" Lucy walked closer to the lacrima and cleared her throat to regain their attention.

"Lamy is not the only demon of Tartaros that is resurfacing." Mira's voice was sweet, but everyone in the room could tell Lamy's new existance had put her in a foul mood. "Their books have been rewritten in order to give them a second chance at life. Do you have Lamy's book?"

"Book?"

"Each demon has a book. When-" Jackie made loud hissing noises and shook his head violently at Lucy, who rolled his eyes. "When Fairy Tail took in one of the demons yesterday their book, along with several others, was found on the front doorstep. It is not unlikely the same thing will happen now that Lamy is in your... company."

"You... Took in a demon. Willingly?" Minerva glared at her guildmaster. "You're different M' Lady. You just got... confused for a while and came home. Those others have been-"

"Sting!" Lucy snatched up the lacrima and glared at the other blond with death in her eyes. "This particular person that we have chosen to take in is very sorry for their actions Before and is truly making a new start. Please do not rub in their past. Everybody deserves a chance at a new start."

"S-sorry, Lucy."

"We accept your apology. Now have you seen the book? Or a brown paper wrapped package?"

"Uhhh..." Sting glanced away from the lacrima, likely looking to someone smarter and more aware of life than himself. "No. Not yet."

"Well, please let us know if you receive it. It may come with others too. If you end up with more books than just the one please let us know. We should probably try to account for all of them. We still seem to have at least four missing. Maybe more. Read her book if it shows up before you make any decisions. Minerva?"

"Y-yes, Lucy?"

"You are quite welcome to come visit us, however... Lamy is not invited. Not yet at least. I would recommend leaving her with whoever she followed home. I'm assuming that is what happened?" Minerva sighed.

"Orga. She followed Orga home. She likes it when he sings, and she either hid or destroyed all his shirts." Lucy couldn't help but giggle at that.

"She keeps trying to touch my abs!"

"Then stop wearing a man bra and put on a shirt!" Lucy facepalmed when her snarkiest brother decided to join the conversation.

"Shut your face, Cobra! It's not a man bra and you are an asshole!"

"Blondie, for fucks sake shut that thing off before Toxichicken gives Lightbulb a stroke."

"Take that back, Spar-" The last thing Fairy Tail saw of the Sabers that day was a red-faced Sting.

"Laxus, should we maybe..." Lucy waved the lacrima around a little and Laxus groaned.

"Fine. I'll call the other allied Guildmasters and let them know about the demon outbreak. Somebody figure out how to get the ones we are apparently babysitting here where we can watch them. Anywhere whole towns full of people are dying might be a good place to start looking." Jackie came up behind Lucy and tucked his face into her neck as Laxus vanished into his office.

"Tempester's book being here has Bossman all sorts of stressed out. I mean the whole thing is a big deal, but that one's got him jittery." Bickslow had his long limbs wrapped around his mate who was very faintly purring. Bix was good for Cobra. He made him laugh and see the sunny side of things. Cobra in return kept Bix grounded and out of trouble, sometimes.

"Can't blame him for that one, Bixy." Meredy was curled up on Gajeel's lap. Lucy thought the two of them were the cutest thing ever. Meredy had taken to wearing goth style cloths and her mate had given her several piercings since they got together.

 "If we can get word to my dad I bet he'll come in on his own. No telling what he's going through if that jackass just summoned him and left him on his own."

"Lu, what about a job posting?"

"Only mages actually in a guild we sent it to would see it."

"Sorcerer's Weekly." The guild blinked at Erza. "They have made several requests for interviews lately. Why don't we give them one and send the message that way?"

"Actually..." Levy was obviously uncertain about her idea. "Why don't we just write an article ourselves? That way we can choose exactly what we say. We can all contribute a few lines. Some personal info, a little shippy gossip, training tips, and a message for Silver."

"Levy, you brilliant little gem!" Lucy clapped her hands. "We can call it "Words From the Fairies."

The next episode of Sorcerers Weekly had a cover picture, painted by their very own Reedus, of several happy Fairy Tail's wizards sifting in the guild library holding big books. Gray Fullbuster was the centerpiece of the picture. The article they had written collaboratively took up several pages. Really it was a collection of smaller contributions by each wizard.

...Fairy Tail takes care of it's family. We support each other and take care of each other no matter what happens. Neither time nor space nor even death can separate us from our family... Erza Scarlet.

...Ur taught me ice make magic, but this new stuff, it's from my dad. It's more powerful, but it's harder to control. I try not to use it very often, because until he gets his but back over here to help me train with it it's dangerous to use... Gray Fullbuster.

...Juvia was an orphan until she joined Fairy Tail. Now Juvia has a family. Sometimes they leave for a while, but they always come back. Juvia is the most happy when Juvia's family is all together. Once Juvia thought one of her family was gone forever, but she recently learned that he is safe and Juvia is so happy and looking forward to when he comes home... Juvia Lockser.

...I recently got a puppy. He's the sweetest, most loyal thing. His eyes are different colors, one is golden and one is red. He has the cutest little black nose, which he is wrinkling at me for writing this... Lucy Heartfilia.

...I've taken charge of the Fairy Tail Guild Library. It was being sorely neglected. We recently received several new books. They are hundreds of years old. Oh, that reminds me. Silver, we have your book. You should come by some time... Levy Mcgarden.


	2. The First Demon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the drama truely begins, and not the way Fairy Tail expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad everybody is excited about this story being continued! Any ships not already announced or obvious are undecided at this point. And yes. I'm open to suggestions, though the story will decide on it's own.  
> Also, this is the first time I've written a bunch of these characters, so if they need tweeking let me know.

Laxus managed to locate two of the other Tartaros Gates at other guilds. Torafuzer had shown up in Hargeon weeks ago after saving Chelia's life. Lamia Scale had been hiding him ever since. They also had Ezel's book, but hadn't seen Ezel himself. Quatro Cerberus was to drunk to remember how long Franmalth had been with them. A long time apparently. The story Fairy Tale heard was that he had been disguised as someone else for about the first month of drunken debauchery. Both guilds were so attached to their demons they hadn't admitted to having them until Jackal had accidently interrupted the conference call with news of some minor demon sightings to the west.

Silver was not the first of the books in Fairy Tail's possession to respond to their encoded message. That would have been far to simple. The demon that answered was far less friendly and far more pissed the hell off. There was no knock on the door, no polite discussion, and no warning. The guild doors shattered and there were thorny vines everywhere, slamming the guild's wizards to the walls or the ground or trapping them where they had been sitting and eating moments before. Lisanna was the only one not in this condition, which was not a good thing because she was dangling in midair by an angry demon's hand around her neck.

"Where is he? You will tell me where you are keeping Jackal or I will not hesitate to snap your neck." When Lisanna didn't immediately answer he bared his teeth at the rest of them. "WHERE IS THE BOY!"

The explosion that hit him was just strong enough that he lost his grip on Lisanna without killing her in the process. A blue and yellow blur slammed into him and both of them went through the wall of the guildhall. Those with the ability to promptly free themselves from the vines poured through the big hole in the wall to find Jackie crouched between them and the Underworld King growling viciously.

"Why are you protecting them?"

"My pack. My mate. You will not hurt them!"

"Jackie! Baby, are you OK?" Jackie's ears twitched.

"Fine. Lisanna?"

"I- I'm fine." Her voice was rough but she managed to follow the others out of the guildhall. Laxus stepped up beside Jackie, arms crossed over his chest.

"Mard Geer Tartaros. We've been expecting you."

"Vile heathens." Jackie growled louder.

"Blondie, get your cute little ass over here and calm your mate the fuck down." When he was sure Lucy was moving he kept speaking. "Look here buddy, I won't deny the heathen bit, but the only thing vile here is Toxichicken's spit."

"Fuck you, Sparkles! Oh, my bad. Master Sparkles."

"You will give him to me."

"Fuck that shit. We aren't handing our nakama over to an out of control psychopath." Mard's eyes were locked on Lucy as she began to run her hands through her mate's hair. "Fairy Tail projects their own and I-"

"You wear his braids."

"You aren't even fucking listening to me are you?"

"I am Jackie's mate. I wear his braids proudly as he wears mine."

"Why?"

"Mavis, I hate it when you people ignore me."

"They are heart bound mates, your Majesty. Why else would they wear those braids?"

"Even Bookworm. I'm losing control of my own fucking guild."

"Ah, the insect has manners."

"Insects have six legs, I only have two. I do not possess the wings required to be an insect either."

"Will nobody fucking focus on the issue at hand here?"

"Manners and a stinger. Tell me tiny one, why would your guild want my demon?"

"So, I'm just gunna stand here and be ignored."

"He isn't your demon first of all. Jackie doesn't belong to anyone but himself anymore. Though if anyone could claim him as theirs it would be Lucy because she is his mate. He is Lucy's mate and a Fairy Tail wizard and therefore our family. That's why we want him."

"It's not like I'm the fucking guildmaster these days."

"Whatever spell you have cast on him I will break it. You will not keep him."

"Seeing as how Lucy is my best friend I take offense to the fact that you think she has to cast a spell to get him to fall in love with her."

"And it's not like Dogface and Blondie are standing right here while you fucking talk about them either."

"I see no reason to avoid offending an insect. I don't know what you are using him for, but I will not allow harm to come to the boy."

"Glad we could agree on something your majesty."

"Surely you do not expect me to believe your lies tiny insect."

"My name is Levy Mcgarden, and I have read your book, Mard Geer Tartaros. I know you have a good deal of telepathic ability. If you would use it you would know that we speak the truth."

"Why the fuck did no one tell me he was a telepath?"

"One can train one's self to speak lies in one's surface thoughts or even believe one's own lie."

"Sorry, Laxus. I thought you knew."

"One could, but a whole guild full of people? What is the likelihood?"

"I've been fucking busy with the other guildmasters, Blondie. When the hell was I supposed to learn that if you didn't fucking tell me?"

"Hypnotism or whatever treacherous spell you cast on Jackal would explain that simply enough. Now. Surrender the boy into my care and no blood need be spilt this day."

"Stop threatening them!" Jackie might have attacked the other demon if Lucy hadn't been holding him back.

"STOP TRYING TO PROTECT THEM!"

"They are my pack!" Jackie bared his sharp teeth at Mard. "I protect them just as they protect me!" That seemed to confuse the Underworld King.

"Your Majesty we truely consider Jackie to be a part of our family. We are aware of your misgivings and would truely appreciate it if you gave us the chance to show you the truth of our words." Mard strode straight up to Levy and it was all she could do to hold her ground. The demon could squash her like the insect he called her if he decided to, and she wasn't stupid enough to believe anyone would be able to stop him. 

"You will secure high quality coffee for me and only after I have finished a minimum of two cups will we discuss your possession of Silver's book and negotiate Jackal remaining here with you."

"Lisanna makes the best coffee in town. If that is what you wish you should probably talk to her." She could see that flicker in his eyes again. "There will be no negotiating regarding Jackie. It was his choice to come here, and his choice to become a Fairy Tail wizard. If he chooses to leave we will not stop him, but we will not allow you to take him against his will. As far as Silver's book is concerned I would think you would be more concerned about the fact that we have yours, Your Majesty." That got a real reaction. His eyes widened and he sucked in a quick breath.

"...I...see."

"Wouldn't you rather talk to Master Laxus than me? I am of little consequence here." 

"You have a brain, Little Butterfly. Therefore I choose to converse with you." Little Butterfly was so much better than tiny insect even if they were the same basic thing. He took four steps back toward the big hole in the guildhall wall before he stopped. It said a lot about Lisanna's backbone that she didn't flinch when he reached out and tipped her chin up with a single finger. He studied the bruises forming on her neck before releasing her.

"You claim you mean Jackal no harm. I choose to reserve judgment on that particular subject. However... I was rougher with you than I intended to be. Humans are such frail creatures." Levy had a feeling that was as close to an apology as he was going to get. He continued toward the guild without a backward glance. "Come Jackal. You will explain how you ended up in this preposterous situation." Jackie snorted and rolled his eyes.

"I don't answer to that name anymore!" When Mard Geer didn't answer he groaned and followed him, mumbling under his breath about stuck up douche bags who couldn't learn new things worth shit. Lucy giggled and tucked her hand into her mates as they climbed thriugh the hole in the wall.

"Umm... Lisanna? Could you maybe make some coffee? Maybe it will put him in a better mood."

"That guy is a huge asshole."

"I'm not sure if he knows any better. He apologized... Sorta."

"Fine. I'll make the demonic snob some coffee."

Laxus growled and kicked the edge of the hole. The fact that he made it bigger was probably an accident. Probably. Mira patted him on the arm before delicately stepping through the hole. It didn't seem to help much.

"Fucking psychos, every one of ya. I don't know why the fuck I wanted this job. I'll be in my office. Laki! Fix this mess. And somebody get me a beer!"


	3. Demonic Fairies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which talks are held between Fairies and demons regarding demonic Fairies.

"You mean to tell me that you will die when this... human does? Hundreds of years of your life willingly sacrificed for the sake of an ear rub and a bit of bedsport!" Jackie slammed his fists against the table as he stood.

"I don't care what you are king of or who you used to be to me Before, but you will not speak about my mate that way! She is sunlight and life and everything good in my life!" Lucy pulled him back down and curled up in his lap.

"Shh. Easy baby. He wasn't here. He does not know. Imagine what it looks like to him." He buried his face in her hair and took a deep breath.

"How can you just accept this, Jackal!" Jackie lifted his eyes to meet angry black ones.

"Look back on the years, Mard Geer. Centuries of darkness and pain. Do you have nightmares now? I do. I see them all when I sleep. Every innocent life I ever snuffed out. I can hear myself laughing at their pain. Lucy helps. She has scars from my curse, inside and out, and she forgives me, loves me anyway. I never want to go back to the way things were, and without her I know that is what will happen. I don't want to just keep existing until I forget what it means to be human. I don't just accept that I will die with my mate. I welcome the knowledge that I won't have to live on alone in the dark without her." Mard Geer glared at Lucy.

"He tried to kill you." Jackie flinched. "Is that why you tricked him into this? You couldn't figure out how else to kill him?"

"OK, first of all, we don't talk about Before here. Jackal died. Anything that entity did is not held against Fairy Tail's Jackie. And a lot of people tried to kill me. In fact..." Lucy twisted around to face the rest of the guild. "Hey guys! Do me a favor and raise your hand if you tried to kill me, kidnap me for nefarious reasons, torture me, destroy the world, or almost did one of those things on accident!" Half the guild raised a hand. "See? And that is just Fairy Tail wizards. I'm very hard to kill apparently."

"You're a fucking cockroach, Tink!"

"Thanks for that asshole!"

"What is it with people and bugs today?" Levy's mumble was just bairly audible. The four of them had settled at a corner table to drink coffee and talk about the long list of issues Mard Geer had with their current situation.

"Hey, Blondie! Sting just called. Minerva and Rogue should be in on the next train. Their demon's book finally showed and they want our opinion on something. Just a heads up."

"Thanks! There's two more-"

"What did he mean by 'their demon'? I'm aware that Minerva's old guild took her back. A surprise considering her betrayal. Who is there with her?"

"Fucking Lamy." The tip of Jackie's tail twitched violently.

"So... Four of us have been returned."

"Actually, your majesty, we currently know the specific location of five booked demons. Lamy, three of the Tartaros Gates, and yourself. Five additional books are accounted for, but we aren't sure where the demons bound to them are."

"Where are the other Gates?"

"Franmalth has joined a guild called Quatro Cerberus, and Torafuzer is in Hargeon and has officially joined the guild Lamia Scale."

"Torafuzer... joined a wizard guild?" 

"Yep."

"Where are the books?"

"Lucy has mine at home. The others are being kept safe in other places."

"So they are being held hostage in order to manipulate my guild."

"No they are being protected to ensure no harm comes to any of you by someone who doesn't understand. I keep Jackie's in a spelled box that only the two of us can open. It is my understanding that Torafuzer entrusted his book to someone he trusts to both protect it and resummon him if something were to happen to him. I will not tell you who that is, because we don't yet trust you not to kill us over a misunderstanding. You won't kill me, because it would kill Jackie, but you might kill Torafuzer's friend thinking it would free him from some imagined captivity."

"And the others? Who holds Zero's book? Who has been given charge over mine?"

"His son." He was vizably surprised by that. "Silver Fullbuster will be given the choice of what happens to his book just as soon as we can find him. The major guilds are all on the lookout, and we are hoping the article you responded to so violently will let him know that it is safe to come to us. As for yours-" 

Mira slammed Mard Geer's book onto the table with enough force that he was left gasping like a fish trying to pull air back into his lungs. Lucy winced in sympathy. She had forgotten that he had attacked the younger Straus when she asked the older one to fetch his book. The barmaid smiled and leaned her weight on the book, waves of dark energy visible around her.

"If you ever hurt my sister again, or any of my family, you will wish I had destroyed this instead of bringing it to you." 

"Your majesty this is Mirajane Straus, Lisanna's older sister and one of our S-class wizards."

"Take it easy, Mira." Lucy gently eased the book out of the barmaid's grasp as she spoke. "He thought we were torturing Jackie to death or something like that. He could have done a lot worse and you know it."

"I will bring no further harm to the little barista. She makes excellent coffee." All three girls stared at the demon for a long moment before Mira hummed and walked off.

"OK then. Mard Geer, Master Laxus has-"

"Tartaros. Mard Geer Tartaros or your majesty. Being addressed by my first name so casually is insulting and disrespectful."

"Tartaros is gone. Fairy Tail considers that name and the demons once associated with it to be dead. Nor will I be giving you false respect. If I used that title at this point in time it would be used with sarcasm and that would be more inappropriate than not using it at all. Please allow me to finish without interruptions again." Mard Geer narrowed his eyes at her and slowly smirked.

"You have quite the fire in you. I begin to see why Jackal chose you. You may continue."

"Thank you. As I was saying. Master Laxus has given Jackie, and I the authority to handle all things related to our recently squires books. Any final decisions or agreements will be run past him for approval of course, but you will be dealing with us. Levy is being included in this discussion because you requested it, yes, but also because she has read and probably memorized the books."

"Jackie, as we have already told you, is a member of the Fairy Tail guild. He chose to take a new name when he started his new life, and none of us hold anything Jackal did Before against him. Before is the past and forgotten. Fairy Tail is extending the same offer to you. You are welcome to join us and start a new life here. However that is your choice."

"We believe you have the right to take possession of your book. However, please be aware that trust will be more easily earned if you choose to have an established member of Fairy Tail hold it for you. We will protect it and prevent anyone meddling with it or harming it in any way. If somehow you were returned to your book the individual you chose to hold your book would see that you were resummoned. We recommend that you choose a human or small group of humans to closely associate yourself with until you have adjusted to the modern world and can successfully blend in. I suggest choosing the same person you hopefully have holding your book. That would foster trust and understanding for both parties involved on a deeper level." Lucy handed Mard Geer's book to him without pausing in her speach.

"Fairy Tail is a family. If you choose to join us you will be considered a part of our family. We will not hold anything from Before against you. You would be treated the same way any of the rest of us are. Subject to the rules of the guild and Master Laxus's emotionally constipated leadership. Take as long as you need to think before you give us your answer. You are welcome to speak to the guildmembers in the meantime. Please for the love of Mavis do not allow Natsu to goad you into a fight in the guildhall."

"Wow, Lu. Practice that speach in the mirror many times?"

"She totally did. She wrote the thing the night we got here and practiced it every night at least three times."

"Hey! You two cut it out! I'm trying to be serious here. This is important."

"Important enough to mock Master?"

"If Gramps was still our master I would have substituted 'pervy and drunken' for 'emotionally constipated'. Besides I'm one of the few people he tolerates enough to mock him and survive and he needs to loosen up sometimes."

"Blondie, I can fucking hear you! Shut your fucking face before I shut it for you!"

"I can have Erik help me rewrite my speach if you would rather!"

"Hell yeah!"

"Fuck no! What is wrong with you people? Were you this fucking nuts when Gramps was in charge?"

"Yes!" Came from all around the guild.

"Why the fuck did I want this job?"

"Jackal, are you consciously aware that your heart bound mate and chosen pack are most likely clinically insane?"

"Yep. Lucy says 'we are all a little crazy', but I think she is underestimating the situation."

"Indeed." Mard Geer handed his book to Levy without a word and stood to go get more coffee from Lisanna. When he came back there was a rich brown Fairy Tail guildmark peeking out from under his right sleeve. 


	4. Crazies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which some of the less mentally stable Fairies interact.

It used to be Gajeel's table. Then Pantherlily started sitting with him after the whole Edolas thing. Levy, Wendy, Carla, and Lucy were occasional visitors for a while. Then Crime Sorciere joined Fairy Tail. Gajeel had taken one sniff of Meredy and five words later bent her back over that table in a kiss hot enough even Cana blushed. It had snowballed from there and Laki started wood making them a bigger table after brawl cleanup was done just to fit them all.

Erik and Macbeth felt the most comfortable staying close to the pinkette and away from the happy, noisy bar. Lucy sat with them far more than her old team, especially once the ex Seis claimed her as their sister. This led to Levy also becoming a semi-perminant fixture since both her best friends were there. Lucy, being the observant creature that she was, had seen the way her poisonous brother looked at the guild's prankster and pounced. It had taken her weeks and more than a few tricks to get Erik to confess to his mate. Turns out Bix already knew and had only been keeping his distance out of respect for Erik's super sucky past. Bickslow being around ment Freed was a more than occasional visitor as well. 

When Jackie wasn't brawling with Natsu and Gray he was sitting with Lucy, tail tucked around her waist, partially to keep it safe and partially because they both loved the way she played with it. Mard hovered over Jackie since he was still a bit suspicious of humans, which brought him to to the table. He also watched Levy like a highly amused cat watches a mouse that would have already been devoured if it weren't so fun to play with. Erik was apparently half demon, because he got along famously with both of the new arrivals.

Master Laxus wasn't the only one who referred to their oversized table as 'the crazy table'. He was just the only one brave enough to do it when he knew they were listening. Though with two dragon slayers, a lycan, a telepath, and a guy with flying minions in the group, it was hard to avoid hearing the talk. They didn't really mind though. In fact Bix, Erik, and Jackie actively encouraged it.

"Pain is an excellent motivator. It requires an incredibly determined individual to retain secrets after a toenail or two are removed."

"Ya know I can make a poison for that. We're talking word vomit. He couldn't even make themselves lie. Though it is more fun if they bleed and scream."

"You can hear souls, Bleach Breath. Why the hell would you need to torture people when you can just know?"

"Some shit doesn't reach that deep and some people lock themselves up like a nun's vagina."

"Telepathy is the same way. A thought has to be present for it to be mined and some individuals learn to guard their minds."

"Personally I prefer my Maguilty magic for interrogations. There are no physical traces and therefore it can't be proven afterwards that you did anything."

"I can get faster, more accurate results with my figure eyes." *grab it, squeeze their soul, watch the colors.

"You have to make eye contact for that facet of your magic to be effective. With runes you can both achieve the same levels of pain that Miss Meredy can as well as differentiate between truth and falsehood."

"Why must you all assume torture would be required. There are hundreds of books on the psychological side of interrogation. I could get the same answers by just talking to them the right way."

"Dream diving doesn't require torture. A few nightmares sometimes to et them in the right frame of mind."

"Levy is the only one so far who has suggested something legal. Come on guys."

"Seriously love? You have an issue with whether it is legal or not?"

"I just really want to know!"

"Lucy we are not resorting to torture just to find out who Mira has a crush on. Unless..."

"Unless what?" Lucy's eyes sparkled as the table waited for Jackie to answer.

"If we catch her off guard with some magic canceling cuffs we could try to tickle it out of her. She has to be ticklish, right?"

"We could try."

"Yeah. It's worth a shot."

"I still do not see why the potential romantic leanings of the barrista's sister are of any importance."

"Because it's Mira!" Mard stared silently at the rest of the table for a moment.

"I see." There was a gleam in his eye that sent Kinana scurrying back to the bar instead of asking them if they needed their drinks refilled as she had planned. "The truth of the matter is that you all want revenge on the She Devil for harassing you. Is that not true?"

"Nnnoooo..."

"Tell the truth now, Lu. Yesterday you said that the next time she asked you when she was getting her first litter of godpuppies again you were sicing Cancer on her." Jackie groaned and dropped his head down on the table.

"I told her that it didn't work that way." Merest giggled hysterically.

"Mavis, she doesn't actually think you two will have puppies does she?" Lucy grimaced when the pinkette got all dreamy eyed. "It would be so cute though!" She latched onto her mate's arm. "Can we-"

"Absolutely fucking not."

"But it would be so cute!"

"Vixen, I love you like nobody's shit, but we are not getting a puppy."

"Gajy Bear..."

"Not happening."

"But it would grow into a big, strong, ferocious dog to protect me and our hatchlings someday." They could all see Gajeel wavering, whether it was from the potential ferocity of the hypothetical dog or the mention of hatchlings couldn't be certain.

"What are you guys up to this time? You scared Kinana enough that she made me bring Mard fresh coffee. And I was just over here five minutes ago." Five minutes was more than enough for Mard's cup to become rather empty, so he gestured for Lisanna to fill it.

"We were discussing the peculiar aspects of your clan's eldest member."

"Peculiar... Mira? What did she do this time?"

"She Demon's been making goo-goo eyes at the fucking wall for days now, and her soul sounds like the air headed fish girl." Lisanna blinked twice and looked to Bickslow for a translation.

"The Little Mermaid." *part of your world, under the sea, kiss the girl, poor unfortunate souls. Erik snorted at the babies.

"None of those songs are the one I was referring to."

"It doesn't have words." You could barely see the smile on Macbeth's black lips. "The song the witch trapped in the seashell."

"Gihihi. Been watching princess movies recently, ladies?"

"Hey!" Jackie's ears were layed back and the tip of his tail was twitching. "Those movies are beautiful! Besides it's not like we got to watch em when we were actually kids!" 

"Ha! You're an animated corpse, Butt Sniffer. What do you know about being a kid?"

One of Mard's thorn vines shot across the table. Erik dodged the brunt ot the blow and the vine whithered wherever he touched it. The babies shot a volley of green light which Levy ducked under the table to avoid. Mard's next vine had a rose on it, with teeth. This particular carnivorous flower didn't seem to picky about who it ate, because it went after Freed instead of either Bix or Erik. 

Lisanna ended up under the table with Levy and Lucy watching as the guild took sides in what amounted to a rather dangerous magical snowball fight. Tables were overturned for combatants to hide behind and fortified with magic. Benches were turned into catapolts for the explosive glitter capsules that had been found stashed in all sorts of places in recent days.

"Lucy, when you used to be an official part of Team Natsu I had the utmost respect for how you handled their craziness. They were just so intense and you were so strong and flexible at the same time to deal with them."

"Why is all this in the past tense?"

"I just wanted to say. I apologize for underestimating you at the time." Lucy beamed.

"Awe! Thanks, Lisanna! That's so sweet!" Something heavy slammed into their table blowing it to smithereens, followed by something on fire which singed Lucy's hair. "That's it mother fuckers! Virgo, Stardress! Somebody is going to pay for that!" Levy and Lisanna watched as Lucy sent wizards and demons screaming in terror.

"Sometimes I worry about Lu."

"What! Why? She can obviously take care of herself."

"Yeah, but-" Levy paused to watch the carnage.

"I'm sorry, Lucy!"

"Oh Mavis! Please! I didn't do it!"

"It wasn't me! Whatever happened it wasn't my fault this time, Luce!"

"Somebody stop her!" Levy winced when a cackling Jackie pounced on someone attempting to flee and handed them over to his mate.

"She just seems to be... Crazier than before."

"I don't think so. I think she was just trying so damn hard to be nice we didn't see how nuts she really is."

"That... You know, you are probably right."

"What the hell is going on out here!"

"Master Laxus! Help! Lucy is going to kill us all!" Laxus met Lucy's eyes for a moment before shrugging.

"Sorry. Can't help you." 

"But Master!"

"I'm not dealing with that psycho today! Mavis, what is wrong with these people..."


End file.
